Happy holidays everyone!
Doesn’t it seem like everyone is just a little bit happier and nicer. As the song goes, “This is the most wonderful time of the year”. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is such an exciting and fun time, unless of course if you are an unemployed man with a family.
Being unemployed during the holidays is not fun at all, add in being a husband and a father, and that can make a person very frustrated and depressed. In fact contrary to popular belief, December is the month when most people get stressed, upset and depressed. So while some are thrilled and excited a good number of men, especially black men, are looking for something to smile about.
Also this comes at a time when black women are soaring in the corporate world and as business owners. I just read a report that stated, black women are becoming entrepreneurs at an alarming rate, which is a fantastic fact. So imagine a man, who cannot find work, being married to one of these smart, intelligent, and successful black women. No matter how strong he is, the fact that she is so successful is a tough task for some men. Men like to be seen as the bread winner, and the king, but when they cannot support their family that leads some men into serious depression, and some even to violence.
Some of these men maybe well educated, some may have just come home from prison, and some may just have been laid off by their companies. Either way, finding work is a big factor for them. God has called us men to work, because when we work we have a sense of pride and accomplishment. When we don’t it is as if something is missing. I remember when I first got married, I was unemployed for about 2 years. I used to see my wife go to work every day and I would feel sick. I wasn’t working because of lack of trying, I just had a hard time getting hired. I thank God that Keenya (my wife) didn’t make me feel worse than I already felt. She was very encouraging and supporting. Ladies, if you have a husband that has recently been laid off or fired, or is having trouble finding work, take these tips from me
1) Be encouraging – I know it may be frustrating if you are bringing home the bacon, cooking it and cleaning it, but you will get more out of your husband by building him up than by tearing him down.
2) Talk to him not down at him- So often I hear from men that one of the worst feelings they have is when their woman talks down to them like a child. That feeling is the worse. Men don’t want to feel like they have another mother. I can’t tell you how empowering it is for the woman you love to respect, honor and cherish you. Even though you may not be on top of your game at the moment, but to know she still has that respect for you is such an amazing feeling.
3) Never compare -Men come in various forms and talents, each of us bring something special to the table. Another negative is for women to constantly compare other men to their mate. Again this may be a tough time as it is by not working but to hear comparisons will only make it worse. Appreciate his good qualities and talents. That will help keep his spirits up. I don’t care what those talents are, cooking, taking care of the kids, dart playing, whatever.
Now this goes without saying that he is looking for work, assisting with the home and not playing Madden all day lol.
This time of unemployment will eventually pass and your relationship will be able to grow from these tough times. But don’t let a little blip destroy something that has the ability to be great. Christmas comes once a year but the relationship is every day. Like in my situation, I eventually found work and later on started <a href=”http://www.thatsuitsyou.org
” target=”_hplink”>That Suits You</a>, (we provide suits for qualified men to go on interviews) I will always remember how I was treated during the tough times. People will never forget how you made them feel. Everyone loves sunny days but just remember rainy and snowy days are a part of life as well.